Addressing Prickly Interactions

I got together with a friend last night. The give and take of our conversation was hardly smooth. Her responses seemed to be rather prickly. I took note, attempting to stay focused on my ability to remain centered. My desire was to avoid escalating the situation by reacting to her reaction myself. In the background I wondered silently, “What am I doing that is prompting her reactivity?” This is so habitual for me to start by wondering what I’ve done to upset someone. This is tricky territory. One little revision to the question will be helpful. I could learn to ask instead: “How am I contributing to whatever it is that I observe?” That minor change shifts the fulcrum so that responsibility for the outcome of an interaction is shared.

She spoke of wanting to get away to someplace warm on the ocean. My comments were prompted to indicate a parallel need to the one she expressed. Since going away is not practical for me at the moment, I mentioned that listening to recently accessed hypnosis tapes seemed to be helping me. It was merely a comment. But she seemed to think I was telling her what she ought to do. This was not my intention. Her response puzzled me. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I am a generation older, close to her mother’s age. I don’t think much about our age difference, but perhaps when I make a comment she thinks I am trying to direct her, while I think I am indicating a basis for sharing.  

This kind of conflict seemed to surface constantly during the evening, regardless of the topic introduced. After awhile I mentioned that my day had been frustrating because I have been dealing with lots of details and making no progress – plumbing issues, wireless not working, things that need my response but keep me from what I want to be doing. It was now my turn to get prickly. I’d mentioned the solution was to leave the house and work at the library. I felt that my friend then started insisting that I do what I’d already said was an option. When I wasn’t responsive to her prodding, she was quite reactive. We stopped chatting while we waiting for the movie to begin. Fortunately the previews began soon after.

For a few moments I stewed, staring straight ahead of me, shaking inside, wondering where this would end. This is an all too familiar place for a conversation to land. I find it frustrating, yet I know better than to try to resolve it with explanations or more conversation. When an interaction ends abruptly, it feels so much like a child of 6 or 10 telling a friend they are fighting with that they are taking their ball and going home.

In the moments of silence, however, it occurred to me to work with my own control cycle. Sometimes another person might feel judged by something we say even though we are neither aware of nor intending to judge them. I’ve observed that both wanting to control and feeling like others are trying to control us can both stem from the same interrupted flow in the meridian control cycle. Stress is usually a factor in that disconnect. Two remedies are a strengthening the aura, and reinvigorating your own control cycle. If you think of it in time and the other person is receptive you can have them work with their control cycle as well. Both the status of the aura and of the control cycle can be tested with kinesiology. But in the absence of someone to test with you, reinforcing these energies is always of great benefit and can never hurt. My book, the Be-In-Better-Balance Book, available from the online store at http://HealingPoole.com, or Amazon.com is a primer on five element theory. It describes the acupuncture meridian connections in the control cycle and includes a Taoist meditation for enhancing that important flow. I've found that work with the control cycle results in a stronger sense of self. That can restore the aura to allow it to filter energies in the environment more effectively.